Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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