Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
