Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
