Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
