hotel room ftw
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
try to milk me bitch
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
