the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
