what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
