Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Girls should come with a carfax report
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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