Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
