You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm both gender and math confused
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
