Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I supernannyed him into submission
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
