You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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