lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
