Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
