went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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