i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
