Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
