Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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