Me. At least after what I've been through.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
