I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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