my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
