I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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