I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
