pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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