I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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