my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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