I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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