I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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