I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
