Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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