wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
