Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
