she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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