Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
