She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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