I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
