I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
