Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize