My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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