I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
