Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
