Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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