Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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