my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
