he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she told me i tasted like america
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
