My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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