I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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