So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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