you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
