woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
