yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
