There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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