Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
