The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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