So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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