she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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