Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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