Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
