We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
