Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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