I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
