Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
