ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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