eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
