god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
