I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
