he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
