so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
